This is very much a mom's post. I have family on the brain. I hope to be able to share some thoughts with you over the next few posts on being a mom please join in and leave a comment expressing your own personal thoughts on the subject.
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I've been thinking recently about how parenting has changed me. I was trained in ECE and taught preschool classes before I had kids of my own and this training was not as helpful as one might think (at least not for me.) I figured I had this parenting thing totally figured out, after all, I spent 2 years studying behavior management and psychology of children under the age of 5 and spent 3 years managing classes of 15 (yes 15!) 3 & 4 year olds with ease. I recall spending most of my time while teaching saying to myself "my kids will never do that!" Haha, those words have come back to haunt me many times. I was very critical and judgemental of parenting styles and choices. When my first born came along and he was colic for the first 6 months and all that learning went out the window, he was the exception to the norm and most of what I learnt did not apply to him. He was also born with a very strong will and I soon found out that this parenting thing was (and is) much harder than I thought. This is the first thing that has changed in me. Eating my words and changing my thoughts. It is not my place to criticize other parents. It seems to me that so many of us are trying to parent everyone else's children! Everyone has opinions on how one should be doing it right. I am guilty of this myself. There is nothing wrong with opinions but we really need to be encouraging and building each other up not tearing each other down. Now, I definitely want to be clear that obviously I'm not referring to situations of abuse or neglect. I'm talking about the smaller things. Some kids are born with a naturally quiet nature and some just aren't. I have seen wonderful parents struggle with challenging situations and I have come to respect the hard work they put into it daily. I have a few people in my life that don't talk about me and how I have chosen to parent. I feel safe sharing my struggles with them and appreciate their input in my life. I have learnt to focus on my own not others. I have learnt to relax.
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Nicole Nordeman sang a song when I saw her last month that speaks about the second thing that has changed in me. Recently my son has been facing a big battle with anxiety.....he is only 9. I wonder how my little one can have such big fears. I can see how he is tormented by overwhelming panic in some situations and it is so hard to watch. He can't make it go away on his own. I am committed to do whatever it takes to help him get better. I am, by nature, a very shy & timid person. I have forced myself out of my comfort zone many times because I know it is good for me. It is funny how you will do just about anything for your kids. It's like a whole new person emerges if anyone messes with one of your babies. When I was teaching I used to wonder why parents were so "passionate" and sometimes unreasonable. Ha! I get it now. I have surprised myself over the past couple of years how I have been able to walk right into my kid's classrooms or to the principal and express my concerns (as reasonable as possible). My kid's have made me face so many of my fears. They make me want to be brave.
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Brave (Nicole Nordeman)
The gate is wide
The road is paved in moderation
The crowd is kind and quick to pull you in
Welcome to the middle ground
You're safe and sound and
until now it's where I've been
'Cause it's been fear that ties me down to everything
But it's been love, your love, that cuts the strings
So long status quo
I think I'll just let go
You make me want to be brave
The way it always was
is no longer good enough
You make me want to be brave
I am small
And I speak when I'm spoken to
But I am willing to risk it all
I say your name
Just your name and I'm ready to jump
Even ready to fall....
So long status quo
I think I'll just let go
You make me want to be brave
The way it always was
is no longer good enough
You make me want to be brave.
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Much of my thoughts have been focused on my family over the past few years. It is fair to say that I am passionate about marriage and family. I feel blessed to be able to be at home and be so involved with my kids. I have much more to share about this choice as it has not always been easy. All you moms out there be blessed and be encouraged!! More to come at a later date........
6 comments:
good post Jenn. I was one of those parents, who thought, "just spankt that kid!", having my second (you know what temperment he has :), I realized that in alot of scenarios, its not how the parents are raising them!! (In some cases it is, but you SO cant just assume) until you have a kid that challenges you in ways you would never have imagined, you cant judge others!!
I admit, I was one who thought all behavior problems stemmed from the parents. I looked funny at people whose kids where horrible in public. I also thought many times "my kids will never...", or "I will never....". Having my own child has humbled me beyond belief. I have so much more respect for mothers, it's such a difficult challenging role.
I've really learned that you have to make decisions for yourself, what is going to work best for your family. Your the one dealing with everything on a daily basis.
Great post, I love this topic.
Absolutely fantastic post!!!
I have been judgemental in the past of parents, and can still be that way. But, I also have tremendous respect for parents who are proactive with their kids. Every child brings challenges. Some are small. Some are monumental. Every parent (even the ones coparenting the child) have different ways of dealing.
I totally agree that we need to build up and encourage each other as parents. Its a hard job. It's even harder when you have monumental challenges to deal with. And even harder still when people are trying to interfere, discourage or change you. We have got be in this together. None of us have the secret parenting handbook.
Have I ever told you that I think you are a fabulous mother?
Wonderful post Jenn. I totally relate to the struggle with supporting your child when they are dealing with anxiety. Noah has struggled with that on and off for about six months now and it is so hard to know what to do. He has started to come around now after a lot of prayer and reassurance. It was so excruciating watching my son be that paralyzed with fear. Reading your post also made me feel less alone, like I wasn't the only mother who had to deal with these struggles.
Yep, I've certainly done all of the above. It's something I have to remind myself daily. What's good for my child may not be good for someone else's child. We as parents have a right to raise our children the way we chose (within reasonable limits of course!). I also was surprise at the 'mama bear' that came out of me when my babies were born. I am definitely not one to enjoy confrontation of any kind but you mess with my kids...WATCH OUT!
Great post!
I can relate to everything you said in this. I had two babies with collic and that is not a fun way to start parenting. All expectations of motherhood went down the drain, this wasn't what I thought I signed up for! Of course now that I am older and have faced other challanges in parenting I wonder why I let collic stress me out :)
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