the last day......

Well, I went out for my last kid free coffee this morning. It was nice. After that I went and wandered through the superstore in peace for awhile. That was nice too. I have a half an hour to go till I pick up Caleb. I'm kinda excited thinking about hangin out with them for a couple months. Waking up with no plans, jumping in the car and heading to the beach for the day, going for walks. I love walking with my kids, we have the coolest conversations. While I was driving home from the store I was thinking about how proud I am of them. They've completed another year of school and worked hard (yes, I know it's only grade 2 and kindergarten but they really have worked hard!). I think we'll do something special for them this evening to celebrate. I love my boys!!! Bring on summer.

I woke up this morning to the sound of Mikail strumming like crazy on his guitar singing "SCHOOOOL'S OUT FOR SUM-MER!" I think maybe he's excited for summer break. My little rock star! Heehee.

Then when I picked up Caleb from school at noon and we were driving back through the neighborhood he says "Mom, there sure are alot of cats in our neighborhood that need haircuts". Hmmm..........Can't say I've ever noticed that before.

I think maybe they will be entertaining me all summer!!!!

Sometimes I just really don't have anything to say, nothing profound or very spiritual, but apparently I still need to blog (right Nikki?) So here goes an update. The boys are off school in a couple of days and I am praying for the nice weather to return, it's so much easier to keep them occupied when the weather is nice. I'm about to put on my "mom the entertainer" hat to keep them focused for 2 months. Let the fun begin!! Speaking of my boys, Caleb was standing beside me yesterday and I noticed that his head comes up to my shoulder......HELLO!!!.......he's 6 years old!!! How the heck did I give birth to a tall kid??? After all we are generations of short people!!! He is a tiny bit taller than his older brother, I'm thinking this will be the year he passes him.

On a more serious note - God has been leading Gary & I into a season of greater faith in Him. It seems that as each day passes we are loosing more and more control over even the most basic provision of our needs. We are both working very hard (Gary works so hard that I barely see him) and yet we constantly seem to be struggling to bring in even the basics. It has been bothering me lately because I just do not understand how someone can work sooo hard and get nowhere. Sigh......as I type this I'm totally feeling like I have shared too much and want to delete it but I know that God is also teaching me to let go of my pride. Ahhhh........scary to admit that. The cool thing is that God has given me a great measure of peace. He will provide. Like I said I'm learning to have total faith in Him.

Ok....I guess I did have something to say.

I just woke up after 8 HOURS of uninterrupted sleep!!!! First night in just over 8 months. My litttle sweet pea is STILL sleeping. I've showered, made the lunches and am enjoying a cup of coffee. We are heading out the the Vancouver Game Farm with Mikail's class today (Gracie's first trip to the zoo).........I'm so excited.

thank you

to my beautiful friend who brought me homemade pecan pie. mmmmm........heated up with whip cream SO YUMMY!!! this is my favorite pie.

(forgotten all about the lawnmower incident.....) hehehe

oh yeah......

.....just sat down and learned how to play "amazing grace" and "it aint gonna rain no more" on the guitar. i was given the guitar a year and a half ago and figured it was time to try to learn something.

Ladies......

I have to cancel biblestudy tomorrow morning. It is sports day at the boy's school. See you all next friday!

We are reading through "The battlefield of the Mind" by Joyce Meyer in our biblestudy group. It is a really good book. Each week I read a chapter aloud to the group and then re-read it to Gary in the evening. Gary and I really enjoy reading together. Anyway, last night we read the chapter from last week. Funny how when you read something the second time through a whole new thought or concept jumps out at you!! The last paragraph in the chapter convicted me.

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"If you desire victory over your problems, if you truly want to live the resurrection life, you must have backbone and not just wishbone! You must be active - not passive. Right action begins with right thinking. Don't be passive in your mind. Start today choosing right thoughts."

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Yep, that one made me think especially after I had just blogged about all my "wishes" for my life. I guess I realize now that I am guilty of being passive especially when it comes to my mind. I'm not being active in renewing my mind daily. Granted my life is insane right now after having baby number three but my neglect in fighting the battle in my mind has brought discouragement. I said to Gary " The battlefield IS the mind!!!" This is where I must defeat the enemy.

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I'm looking forward to finishing this book. I tend to be a very practical person and want to know exactly how to get from point A to point B. I think I will begin with becoming active in right thinking. Builing a backbone to go with my wishbone

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So with that being said I will focus on this today.......

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"For I know the plans I have for you" says the Lord " They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope" Jer. 29:11 (NLT)

All I ever wanted?

There is a song that I used to listen to as a teenager. I loved it......I loved the words, I loved the emotion it evoked in me, I loved the pure worship that invaded my soul. It is a song that echoed a cry, a prayer from within me. It is entitled All I Ever Wanted. I have been listening to it again recently and have found it to be very ironic that it was and is one of my favorites. Ironic then because at that time in my life I struggled to grasp on to any happiness I was able to find and ironic now because I'm still not in a place where I feel fully content with where I am at or with who I am. However there is something within these words that speaks of my inability to be content with my life and God's ability to lead me to that place. I suddenly desire to be able to grasp contentment.

My struggle as of late has been with my own expectations of what my life was 'supposed' to be like. I have seen some of what I expected in life become reality but, of course, many of my dreams/aspirations still remain distant and unreachable. So the question I'm faced with now is this, can I really sit here today.......right now......and say that this is all I ever wanted? I have been so disillusioned with life. Perhaps I have been living in a fantasy world. Somehow listening to the words of this song recently has helped to keep me grounded. I am reminded that my life has purpose, there is a plan, there is hope......there is contentment. It's not so much about the fulfillment of all my dreams but rather realizing that contentment is a choice I need to make right now, not later when everything in my life has finally lined up and all my ducks are in a row (so to speak). I must begin with a very basic truth. I was created to love God. I was created to worship Him, to find all of my self worth in Him. He has given me so much. I think back to when I was 15, on my knees listening to the words of this song, praying the words of this song (it is such a clear memory)........my dream then was to have a family of my own and to be living the call of God on my life. Indeed my dreams have come true though many are still in process. So what of the other stuff......the other dreams that appear to be unfulfilled and seem so important in relation to my happiness. I must give them to God. He desires good things for me. I will continue to believe this. I will choose to believe this. To be perfectly honest some of what I desire so desperately may be far more trivial than I care to admit.

I sing this song from my heart. I'm really not there yet but by His grace I will sing this.......

All I Ever Wanted

From where I lay I can see the sun rising through the trees
Before I face this morning rush I get down on my knees

I lift my eyes and I thank you for this life you've granted me

I pray that every day I live Your heart will be pleased

I pray for hands to hold You higher than anything else

And a heart to love You more than life itself

This is all I ever wanted

This is all I want to be

All I ever wanted ........... is to love You faithfully

From where I stand I can see the dreams that You have fulfilled

Such kindness I did not deserve but You gave it still

What do I have that You did not give there's nothing that I can see

So all I have to give to You is what You've given me

I give these hands to hold You higher than anything else

And this heart to love You more than life itself

This is all I ever wanted

This is all I want to be

All I ever wanted .......... is to love You faithfully

I know I don't have the power to love You like I should

But everyday with everything I have I wish I could

I'm standing here now, these words I pray, I want to love You better whatever it takes

This is all I ever wanted

This is all I want to be

All I ever wanted ........... is to love You faithfully.

~Margaret Becker~

another cloud pic.......

taken last night at sunset

Don't forget......

Party tomorrow night to celebrate Liz's 30th. The band will be playing!! Come hang out, dance and eat. It all begins at 7:30pm @ the church office. Hope to see all of you there!