It was bound to happen.........

While I was out yesterday I ran into an old acquaintance, someone I used to know well but have hardly seen over the past five years or so. When I approached to say "hi" to her she responded with an icy coldness. A stone cold face with no expression and clearly no desire to have a conversation with me. I quickly realized that she had heard (through the grapevine I'm sure) about this past year and some of the mistakes I'd made. To make matters worse, at this point in time, there are also lies and false accusations being hurled around about me and my character. I can only imagine what this lady must have heard......

I was officially snubbed.

At first I felt pretty horrible about myself, I wanted to say......... Actually I wanted to scream out "What part of forgiven are you not getting here??" After all the person who had the most right to snub me (Gary) chose to forgive me and love me. I had a sense of not feeling welcome anywhere in town (an exaggeration, I know) This person with whom I spoke with yesterday is a Christian, but somehow I felt so judged and worthless. I also suddenly felt that perhaps I can relate to those who feel unwelcome or too intimidated to walk through the doors of the church. Especially after making a series of bad choices in their lives, maybe there is not as much acceptance there as we think. I say this about the church in general not about any one paticular place. And even with that being said, maybe it's not so much about the church but rather that I can totally relate to the feeling of being judged. I can see how being surrounded by that would easily lead to a person believing that they are worthless.

There will probably be more cold faces in the future.......

Some days are just overwhelming.

Funny that she didn't bother asking me directly what was truth or not??




A side note

On the weekend my dad said something that floored me. He told me that he learnt something from me this past year.......not to run away from a crisis. WOW. Thanks dad!