All I ever wanted?

There is a song that I used to listen to as a teenager. I loved it......I loved the words, I loved the emotion it evoked in me, I loved the pure worship that invaded my soul. It is a song that echoed a cry, a prayer from within me. It is entitled All I Ever Wanted. I have been listening to it again recently and have found it to be very ironic that it was and is one of my favorites. Ironic then because at that time in my life I struggled to grasp on to any happiness I was able to find and ironic now because I'm still not in a place where I feel fully content with where I am at or with who I am. However there is something within these words that speaks of my inability to be content with my life and God's ability to lead me to that place. I suddenly desire to be able to grasp contentment.

My struggle as of late has been with my own expectations of what my life was 'supposed' to be like. I have seen some of what I expected in life become reality but, of course, many of my dreams/aspirations still remain distant and unreachable. So the question I'm faced with now is this, can I really sit here today.......right now......and say that this is all I ever wanted? I have been so disillusioned with life. Perhaps I have been living in a fantasy world. Somehow listening to the words of this song recently has helped to keep me grounded. I am reminded that my life has purpose, there is a plan, there is hope......there is contentment. It's not so much about the fulfillment of all my dreams but rather realizing that contentment is a choice I need to make right now, not later when everything in my life has finally lined up and all my ducks are in a row (so to speak). I must begin with a very basic truth. I was created to love God. I was created to worship Him, to find all of my self worth in Him. He has given me so much. I think back to when I was 15, on my knees listening to the words of this song, praying the words of this song (it is such a clear memory)........my dream then was to have a family of my own and to be living the call of God on my life. Indeed my dreams have come true though many are still in process. So what of the other stuff......the other dreams that appear to be unfulfilled and seem so important in relation to my happiness. I must give them to God. He desires good things for me. I will continue to believe this. I will choose to believe this. To be perfectly honest some of what I desire so desperately may be far more trivial than I care to admit.

I sing this song from my heart. I'm really not there yet but by His grace I will sing this.......

All I Ever Wanted

From where I lay I can see the sun rising through the trees
Before I face this morning rush I get down on my knees

I lift my eyes and I thank you for this life you've granted me

I pray that every day I live Your heart will be pleased

I pray for hands to hold You higher than anything else

And a heart to love You more than life itself

This is all I ever wanted

This is all I want to be

All I ever wanted ........... is to love You faithfully

From where I stand I can see the dreams that You have fulfilled

Such kindness I did not deserve but You gave it still

What do I have that You did not give there's nothing that I can see

So all I have to give to You is what You've given me

I give these hands to hold You higher than anything else

And this heart to love You more than life itself

This is all I ever wanted

This is all I want to be

All I ever wanted .......... is to love You faithfully

I know I don't have the power to love You like I should

But everyday with everything I have I wish I could

I'm standing here now, these words I pray, I want to love You better whatever it takes

This is all I ever wanted

This is all I want to be

All I ever wanted ........... is to love You faithfully.

~Margaret Becker~